Ever fantasized about being MadamCurator/MonsieurCurator/YouCurator, and curating your very own MLNP edition out of all of your #realworldsex favorites? Well, now you can! Send a theme suggestion of your very own and a themed list of your favorite videos on MLNP.tv to Sarah@makelovenotporn.tv and soon your personal picks could be delighting our members!

We want to start featuring member-curated editions. You can be public or anonymous, and write your own blog post all about what you picked and why. We’re in this wonderful celebration of #realworldsex together!

Steps for creating an edition designed by YOU:

1. Pick your faves!

As a loyal MLNP.tv member, you’ve rented and enjoyed #realworldsex videos from a variety of MLNPstars. Aside from the more obvious ways watching #realworldsex can be titillating, many of the videos you’ve enjoyed have likely stimulated not only your body, but also your mind and heart. Maybe you saw something you never thought you’d try in real life but now feel inspired after seeing real people give it a go. And then there was that time you watched a video with someone completely different from yourself and it really opened your eyes to how unique and beautiful human sexuality really is.

Did you find that seeing folks with bodies similar to yours has helped you get over certain insecurities? Are there specific videos you’d consider sharing with new or not so new lovers to give them a hint as to what you’d like to try out the next time you’re together?

Thinking about the videos you’ve watched, considering what spoke to you – even if it was the littlest moment – is a great way to create a nuanced edition. And, of course, don’t forget to include the videos that just straight up turned you on and got you off – if you found something raging hot, say so! I’m pretty sure our MLNPstars will appreciate the feedback.

2. Decide on a theme.

While this can be as simple and straightforward as, “YourHandle’s top 10 #realworldsex videos,” I wholeheartedly encourage you to be as creative as you’d like when tying all your faves together. Personalize it! This is all about you sharing with our community what you love.

3. Add some finishing touches & send it my way!

We like to say a little something about each and every video we publish so you know what we think makes it unique and oh so #realworldsexy. Along with your list of 5-10 fave #realworldsex videos and your edition theme, please include a sentence or two about what you love about each video. That way, when I decide to feature your edition it’ll be that much closer to being ready to go live!

Interested in perusing some MLNPstar-curated editions before you create your own? Check out these stellar examples from WeMegiddoStyle, Modesty Ablaze, and Violet+Rye!

Got a question? Ready to send in your edition? Email Sarah@makelovenotporn.tv.

Written by Charlie Glickman. Originally published on November 28th, 2011.

“It’s a cliche that before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, but that’s because there’s a lot of truth to that statement.  After all, once you’ve experienced something from another person’s perspective, it’s much easier to imagine what it’s like for them. That’s one reason why I think pegging can go a long way toward improving things. Pegging is the term for when women use dildos and strap-on harnesses with male partners. (Is there a different term when people of other genders use strap-ons with male partners?) And while the main reason people do it is because it’s lots of fun, I think there’s an added benefit that lots of folks don’t know about.

There have been plenty of books written about how male/female couples can improve their relationships by learning to see things from the other person’s perspective. Of course, that’s helpful for couples of all gender combinations and sexual orientations, but the differences in both biology and experience often create barriers for m/f pairs. Pegging is a surprisingly effective way to find out what sex is like for your partner.

For men who have never been on the receiving side of penetration, sex is something that happens outside the body. And when sex is external to your body, it can be easier to do when you have a headache or you’re not quite in the mood. A lot of men discover than when sex is about catching rather than pitching, their mood, their emotions, and their connection to a partner can often have a bigger influence on what they want to do and how it feels.

I’ve talked with quite a few men about what they’ve learned from pegging and although it isn’t universal, many of them have said that they have a better understanding how their female partners might need more warm-up before intercourse, or might be in the mood for sex but not penetration, or how much one’s pleasure can be affected by seemingly minor events. Granted, anal penetration is different from vaginal penetration, but my point is simply that a physical experience can be a much more effective teacher than reading a book, just as a picture is worth 1000 words.”

Go read more about pegging by checking out the original article!

Written by Tracy Clark-Flory for The Guardian. Originally published on March 21st, 2015.

“A recent novel by dude-lit king Chuck Palahniuk imagined a dystopian future in which “a billion husbands” are replaced by a wildly effective vibrator. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist in New York, told me that, based on what he sees in his practice, it’s “fairly common for men to be threatened” by vibrators. My husband even once looked at my Hitachi and said, “How can I even compete with that thing?”

But whatever men think, women don’t use vibrators to substitute for intercourse with men; many women actually want to use them with their partners but aren’t quite sure how to bring it up without triggering their insecurities.

Vibrators themselves have gone mainstream and upmarket: once stocked exclusively by seedy adult stores and mall novelty shops like Spencer’s Gifts, vibrators can now be found in well-lit feminist sex shops and drug store chains like Walgreens. Condom-makers Trojan and Durex sell vibrating gizmos (both traditional vibrators and vibrating cock rings), and there’s been a boom in sleek (and occasionally diamond-encrusted) high-end dildos.

And yet sex toys remain a taboo subject within many heterosexual relationships. Research shows that barely more than a third of women have ever used a vibrator during intercourse — although only 10% report having done so recently — and only 43% of heterosexual men have used one at some point, most with a partner. These numbers are bigger than they ever have been, but they are still strikingly small.

There is one main reason for this: men are taught not only that the penis (and its size, shape and ability to get and stay erect) is the symbol of their worth as men, but also that the phallus is the be-all, end-all of sex. If mainstream porn is to be believed, for instance, just the sight of a man’s erect penis should send a woman into an operatic display of ecstasy and penetration should be more than enough to bring about a female orgasm. So it only stands to reason that many men believe that if their dicks don’t bring individual women to climax, they must be inadequate to the task (and so too must be the man attached to it).”

Go read the whole article over at The Guardian! For the record, we are all about sex toys and incorporating them into your sex life! If you need some inspiration, go watch this Redfox video or this Asphyxia<3Danny one to see how they do it!

At MLNP.tv we want to embrace and celebrate the soft cock – so much so that we created a category for when “a guy’s cock isn’t super hard but is still awesome in the extreme.” We call that softserve – sweet and delicious!

Written by Pamela Madsen for Pamela Madsen. Originally published on March 31st, 2015.

When men outreach to me; it’s usually about their fears around having and sustaining erections. Men just like women worry about being enough and getting it on. And in our culture, it’s all about penetrative sex (intercourse), big hard cocks, and staying power. But what if it’s not? What if we allowed men to feel their bodies in different ways and as a result get to experience sex in the full spectrum of intimacy and pleasure?

A hard penis is not everything when it comes to making love. It’s simply not all there is.

1. The number one myth of a soft cock is that the man is not feeling desire. There are many reasons why a man has a soft cock before or during sexual activity that has nothing to do with his desire for you. So please do not take a soft cock as an indicator that your lover doesn’t want you.

2. Soft cocks can feel pleasure and can have orgasms. Many people ignore the soft cock. If he can’t get it up, he can’t have sex or orgasms.  Nonsense. The issue is that we have taught men that they are broken if they cannot get hard.

3. Men are always expected to be “penetrative” not “receptive” when it comes to sex. In other words; their job is to be the “taker” and the “giver”. He is the one who enters. During intercourse the penis may soften and along with that (if it is allowed and not shamed)  a man’s heart may soften too. He may become more vulnerable with his lover and more open.

4.  When men are permission-ed to experience sexuality from a place of softness it’s actually possible for them to experience what it’s like to be penetrated by his partner energetically or with his partner’s hands, or body to body. This is known as energetic sex and can be felt in the body of lovers as almost a meditative state of bliss.

Go read the rest of the article for even more information on the importance of loving soft cocks!

At MLNP we like to reinforce that sex isn’t always– okay, is never– the perfectly choreographed dance-out-of-your-clothes-while-falling-onto-the-bed-still-making-out routine that it is in rom-coms. Bodies are weird and sometimes do unexpected things, and we like to remind everyone that these occurrences are totally normal and a part of being a human. While sex can be amazing and orgasmic and mind blowing, it can also be funny, awkward, messy and weird noises can happen. We loved this piece from Bustle because it opened dialogue about the weird shit that can happen and how that’s perfectly normal. We’ve reposted some of our favorites.

Originally written by Gabrielle Moss for Bustle. Published on December 4th, 2014.

If you spent all of your teen years imagining sex as a passionate, transcendent melding of two souls (one of whom happened to be Robert Pattinson), you may have been shocked when you finally did the deed and found out that sex is gross. Oh, actually, wait, let me amend that: sex is really gross. Sure, it can still be a beautiful transcendent melding of two souls — but the kind of transcendent melding that incorporates stray bodily fluids, strange noises, and the occasional wayward butt crack hair. Also, it almost never involves Robert Pattinson. Why did everyone lie to you?!

Though most of us are embarrassed when our sex lives get gross, gross sex is actually the rule, not the exception. In fact, it turns out that sex is so inherently gross, we’re hardwired to cope with it: A 2012 study in the scientific journal PLOS ONE found that sexually aroused women had a higher disgust threshold and were better at tolerating gross things (like, um, apparently drinking out of a cup that had a plastic bug inside it) than the unaroused women also studied.

Tossing aside the fact that drinking from a cup with a plastic bug inside it is definitely someone’s fetish, that means a certain degree of grossness during sex is more than natural. You’re simply taking part in the circle of gross life! So in the spirit of sexual grossiosity, we’ve collected 21 of the grossest things than can happen during the course of a totally regular sexual encounter. Queef on, you crazy diamond.

FINDING A TAMPON THAT YOU’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT

As weird as you may feel about it, forgetting a tampon and then having sex is a very common problem. Not that you should make a habit of it, but if it happens — you are now part of the Sisterhood of the Forgotten Tampon. We meet twice a month in the back of the CVS. Remember to bring some snacks to share!

GAG-REFLEX FLARE-UPS

Maybe you got too excited and started performing oral sex a bit frenziedly. Maybe your partner pushed your head down too far, because they have watched way, way, waaaay too many porn movies. How you got there isn’t important: What’s important is that your life is now flashing before your eyes as you choke on a genital.

QUEEFING

Ah, the classic queef. Air goes into a vagina during penetrative vaginal sex, air gets displaced, and sometimes, it makes a toot-like noise. It’s totally normal, it’s completely healthy, and it’s not a fart it’s not a fart it’s not a fart IT’S NOT A FART!

FARTING

Ugh, okay, sometimes it’s an actual fart. It’s not your fault! You didn’t want to have lentils for dinner, but no one ever listens to you!! Maybe if it doesn’t smell too weird, you can just pretend that it was a queef?

CROTCH STUBBLE BURNING YOUR PARTNER’S FACE

Even if you’re into shaving your pubes, you’re not going to do it every day; and thus, on occasion, you’re going to find that you’ve basically given someone windburn while they were going down on you.

FINDING T.P. STUCK TO YOUR PRECIOUS LADY FLOWER

No matter how fastidious you are, sometimes, you go on a date to a restaurant that uses that really cheap, crumbly toilet paper. You usually don’t realize that you’ve brought a piece of the restaurant home with you until it is much, much too late.

ENCOUNTERING UNUSUALLY THICK SEXUAL FLUIDS

Semen thickness can vary due to factors like diet and frequency of orgasm; which is how one can sign on for a regular blowjob… and then end up with a mouthful of semen the texture and consistency of phlegm.

MID-INTERCOURSE COUGHING

Once, when I was getting over a cold, I had a strong cough, but managed to find someone who still wanted to make out with me. I was already many minutes into full-on bangin’, when I felt a cough coming on. I thought I could just cough a little without the guy noticing, and go on my merry way. But he did notice — because apparently, my cough tensed my vaginal muscles extremely hard, squeezing this dude’s penis and putting him into excruciating pain. My vagina actually bruised his dick.

And the moral of the story is: Make sure to take vitamins and wash your hands during cold season, folks!

Head over to Bustle to check out the rest of their hilarious and totally spot on list! Want to share your own #realworldsex video or story? Email us at curators@makelovenotporn.tv!

Written by Cheryl Wischover for Cosmopolitan. Originally published on April 8th, 2015.

“My focus has always primarily been on Latino and black communities. It was really easy to get in and do workshops or have informal conversations and sessions around sexuality topics. There’s some mistrust of the medical field. You have people who are choosing not to go see medical professionals whether they’re mental health professionals to help them with addiction or trauma around sexual violence or rape, but also people who just aren’t going to see urologists or gynecologists or getting annual medical health care. We’re seeing an increase in black women who are dying of cervical cancer caused by HPV.

I would imagine that being a white educator and speaking to a group of black women in a church setting in the South, they’re not going to receive the information the same way as [if the presenter was] another black woman who shares the same religious beliefs as them and might be able to connect the information to different types of texts or experiences that resonate with that population. I think that being an insider in the group and having people trust you in a very particular way is important. I’m someone who doesn’t have children. Every time I talk to parents, one of the first questions they ask me is, “Are you a parent?” When I tell them no, they question whether I know what I’m talking about. I can imagine that would happen to other educators as well. I think also topics around outreach, whether it be testing for HIV or encouraging people to get screened for various types of infections and diseases, that there is going to be a disconnect for people who are outsiders. We also have anti-immigrant rhetoric in the U.S., period. That definitely impacts people’s perception.

When it comes to sexual pleasure — and this is one of the arguments that the authors of that book said — the color of our skin doesn’t impact whether or not we experience pleasure. And our argument was, “Heck, yeah, it does because some of us are murdered before we even get to experience sexual pleasure. Some of us are detained and assaulted and raped and incarcerated.” So there’s that idea, definitely rooted in this safe, white middle class space of, “I get access to the resources that I need and they’re accessible at the level I’m able to read at.” And that’s just not the reality for many under-resourced communities. It’s an error to think that our skin color doesn’t impact [how we feel pleasure].

I also think about how there’s shame around pleasure. This is something many people experience regardless of race, but there’s shame specifically for women of color because we’re either hyper-sexualized or seen as very virginal and pure. So that binary puts us in a position that we have to be forced to choose. We don’t want to be name-called and isolated as a “slut,” or stay married to a man and perpetuate the misogyny that men are supposed to know and teach women and women aren’t supposed to know anything. If I ask you to tell me what you think a Latina looks like, people have a very specific image. It’s very much rooted in a specific idea. That to me is a problem. We want people to imagine us with variety versus only having one or two stories that we create in our minds about who we are and what we do.

I’m pretty optimistic right now. I’ve chosen to focus in my professional work specifically on communities of color where I know I’m embraced and supported and have the connections that I need. But I also recognize that nationally there are people in our communities that definitely want a different type of connection. They want a broader, larger connection of educators to reach out to. And I also recognize that we can learn from people who are different from ourselves.”

Head over to Cosmo and read the rest of this very important article about why we desperately need more non-white sex educators!

Kudos to Bustle for bringing up the often not discussed topic of masturbation– and giving some tips on how to have the best orgasms that you can! We at MLNP.tv are unsurprisingly all about knowing how to get yourself off– and we think that masturbation is just as much #realworldsex as any other kind! Check out our #metime tag on MLNP.tv to see for yourself!

Written by Aly Walansky for Bustle. Originally published in April, 2015.

“Self-pleasure is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Whether you have a partner or not, spending some time enjoying yourself has tons of benefits. Not only does masturbation make you feel good and help relieve stress, but it also can get you in touch with the pleasure zones in your body — and lead to way more pleasurable sex with a partner. But even if we do it regularly, we can all learn how to masturbate better. Trying new things is a big part of getting to know and love your body.

A lot of great solo time tricks will parallel what you may do with a partner — this includes giving your fantasies a whirl. For instance, Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist, Dr. Jess, says to change up your positions just as you would with a partner. Masturbation doesn’t have to be in bed or in front of a porn movie, it can be standing, lying on your stomach, curled up on your side or hanging off the side of the bed. “You’ll find that the varied angles and pressure against different parts of your body create different sensations and you might discover new pathways to orgasm,” says Dr. Jess.

Let your mind wander, says Dr. Jess. Fantasies don’t have to be about sex, per se. In fact, maybe you’ll fantasize about seduction scenes or the way a partner responds to your body as opposed to the physical contact itself. In the zone? Here’s some more tips from pros on how to make it the best self-date ever.

Make it a special occasion

Although you could use masturbation to be the quick and efficient way of getting off, the truth is that banging it out in a minute-and-a-half doesn’t create as much wonderful pleasure-inducing chemicals as a longer build-up of arousal and release. “In my book Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive, I encourage people to make space for the erotic in their lives – both physically and mentally. This means creating not just the space and the place, but also the sexy frame of mind that is the biggest fuel for sexual arousal,” says Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, who practices sex therapy in New York. Making it an event for yourself also teaches your brain to become excited when it sees those cues – candles, sheets, favorite lube.

As for creating the space: If you can’t relax, it’s tough to masturbate. So be sure you won’t be interrupted (unless getting caught or the prospect of getting caught turns you on!), says Jenny Block, author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm. Don’t be shy. We’re talking about self-love here. So light candles. Play music. Or don’t.  If it rocks your boat, do it. If not, forget it.

Invite your fantasies

Engage your rich fantasy life by thinking exciting thoughts and visualizing erotic pictures while you are with your lover but keep those thoughts private, says Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, and co-starring on Sex Box on WE tv .

Breathe

The more oxygen we take in, the more our blood is oxygenated and the more we move energy through our bodies, says Dawn Serra, an erotic coach. Often times we hold our breath as things start to get intense, but if we breathe we can actually expand our awareness and increase the intensity of our pleasure.

Click over to Bustle for even more self-love tips! If you ever want to share your #metime with MLNP.tv, we’d absolutely love it! Email us at curators@makelovenotporn.tv!

If you menstruate, you might all too well know the feeling of being really turned on but also being on your period. At MLNP, we definitely don’t really see that as an obstacle. If you’re both okay with it, why not? Periods are a very normal part of having a #realworldbody if you’re equipped with the parts that menstruate. Cosmo has rounded up a couple of crazy stories that their readers submitted, and we liked this idea so much that we wanted to share some with you. 

Written by Lane Moore for Cosmopolitan. Originally published on April 15th, 2015.

“I hooked up with this guy I met through friends one night at the bar. I went home with him and we went to his backyard where there was a huge boat. It was really dark, but we had sex on the boat. The next morning, back at home, I woke with a hangover and realized that I had gotten my period. I just assumed it happened at home, but I soon learned that wasn’t the case. Turns out the boat I was on belonged to the guy’s father and they had a planned fishing trip the next day. When his father went out to get the boat ready, he found blood all over. Needless to say he panicked and went to wake everyone up and check on them. The guy figured it out when his father woke him and he saw himself and his clothes (which he had slept in). I was mortified when he called me. I was too drunk to realize, and he thought I was just really wet. I assumed he would never speak to me again. I didn’t exactly want to see him again. But despite having to explain to his father and having to clean the boat, he still called me. We hooked up up a few more times — in a bed, not on a boat.” —Lisa, 37

“I was arguing with my fuck buddy because of the horrible day-two mood swings. Finally he told me to meet him at an old firehouse to “talk.” I pulled up, got in the car, and before I knew it, I was in the backseat sucking face like my life depended on it. Then I remembered it was day two and car sex was not an option. He was completely unfazed by the thought of a mess and proceeded to turn me on like crazy. Finally I relaxed and the panties came off. Before I could even protest, he pulled out my tampon and threw it out the window! We then proceed to have the dirtiest makeup sex of my life. When we were done, it looked like we had murdered a small animal. We cleaned up as best we could and managed to not stain the seats. Although this was slightly disturbing, it was totally sexy how nothing was going to stop him from giving me the big O.” —Alyssa, 18

“I was super horny one night my freshman year of college, and I started hooking up with a friend of a friend at a party. I took him back to my dorm and told him I’d be right back. After running to the bathroom, I remembered I had my period, so I took my tampon out and returned to my bedroom and decided not to tell the kid what was going on down there, as I was pretty desperate for some P-in-V action that night. He found out eventually as he was fingering me and proceeded to wipe his hand down my wall. In the morning, when my floor friends came in to talk, they looked at me horrified when they saw the bloody handprint the guy had made … And instantly knew what had happened.” —Sarah, 21

“I was going through a bad breakup, and I just wanted to have a random hookup. My friend introduced me to this guy, I went over to his house, and things started getting hot and heavy, [and] he decided to go down on me. While he was down there, I started my period. Blood everywhere: sheets, his face — it was mortifying. This was the first time we ever hung out, and I had to buy him new sheets. But he was a trooper about it; he just went and brushed his teeth. He became a great friend with benefits. Nothing could have been more awkward than that.” —Kayla, 19

Got your own #realworldperiodsex story? Better yet, do you have a #realworldperiodsexvideo? We’d love to hear from you! Email us at curators@makelovenotporn.tv

If you menstruate, you might all too well know the feeling of being really turned on but also being on your period. At MLNP, we definitely don’t really see that as an obstacle. If you’re both okay with it, why not? Periods are a very normal part of having a #realworldbody if you’re equipped with the parts that menstruate. This piece by Salon highlights how uncomfortable periods still make many people. We say bring on the period visibility!  

Written by Mary Elizabeth Williams for Salon. Originally published on March 27th, 2015.

“Instagram loves women. It loves women showing their bodies. Women in bikinis, women in lingerie. It loves cleavage and sexy girls on the beach. What it has less of a fondness for — as it has amply demonstrated again and again – is the depiction of women in a way that suggests the female experience may sometimes be deemed untidy. And the thing about women is they get periods.

This week, poet Rupi Kaur decided to test how Instagram would deal with an image clearly suggestive of menstruation. And Instagram did not surprise her at all. On Kaur’s Tumblr, she and her sister Prabh have created a small photo series called Period, a collection of simple images familiar to any woman — a stained item spilling out of the laundry, a red blob by the shower drain. Kaur says, “A majority of people. Societies, and communities shun this natural process. Some are more comfortable with the pornification of women. The sexualization of women. The violence and degradation of women than this. They cannot be bothered to express their disgust about all that. But will be angered and bothered by this.” And sure, enough, when she initially posted a photograph of herself, reclining and fully clothed in bed and with a telltale red stain emanating from the crotch of her pants and blotting the sheet, she received a notification from Instagram that it had been removed because “It doesn’t follow our community guidelines.”

Kaur promptly posted that “Their patriarchy is leaking. Their misogyny is showing. We won’t be censored.” And she replied to Instagram, “Thank you @instagram for providing me with the exact response my work was created to critique…. I will repost it again. I will not apologize for not feeding the ego and pride of misogynist society that will have my body in an underwear but not be okay with a small leak.” One day later, she jubilantly announced that Instagram had reversed its decision and thanked her followers for “your movement to not quiet down.”

Head over to Salon to read the rest of the article, and more instances of censorship here.

Written by Nina Bahadur for The Huffington Post. Originally published on April 16th, 2015.

A woman named Alice Dreger sat in on her son’s sex ed class, and the experience sounds completely horrifying.

Dreger, the author of Galileo’s Middle Finger and a medical humanities and bioethics professor at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, attended her son’s sex-ed class in East Lansing, Michigan. While she tweeted that the curriculum at her kid’s school is “not technically abstinence-only,” the class involved horror stories about sex and drugs, constant claims about the failure rates of various contraceptives, paper “babies” handed out to students and no information about oral or anal sex. One instructor told the class that a “good girl” is one who says “no” to sex — and that’s the only kind of girl you should want to be with, per Dreger’s account.

Dreger told HuffPost that she’s glad she attended the class, and she hopes her experience will encourage others to look critically at the sex ed teens are receiving in school. “I’m incredibly glad this happened because it is causing a useful national movement of parents planning to audit what is REALLY being taught to their kids,” Dreger told The Huffington Post. “Forget what the curriculum says. Find out what’s true. In our school’s case, I discovered what’s really being taught is ‘good girls say no; bad girls say yes’ and ‘1 in 6 times you have sex with a condom you’ll get pregnant.'”

Head over to The Huffington Post to see the rest of the sex-ed ‘lesson’ and Alice Dreger’s hilarious commentary here!

A yes, no, maybe list is a wonderful and straightforward sexual communication tool that will help you to get to better know you and your partner’s wants and desires. It’s pretty easy! You take a look at a list like this one from Scarleteen, grab a piece of paper and then put the activities on the list in the category (yes, no, maybe) that they fall under for you.

So, in the ‘yes’ column you might have ‘handcuffs, strap ons, vibrators’, the ‘maybe’ might have ‘swallowing, hair pulling and threesomes’ (with the specification that you want to do the hair pulling not have your hair pulled, while the ‘no’ column might contain ‘nipple clamps or sex in public’. The ‘no’ column also gives you room to talk about why that particular activity might be there! For example, sex in public might mean no sex anywhere outside of the bedroom, but it might also mean “Well, maybe on a secluded beach like Loveandlasagna did in their last video”. Talk about it!

We recommend filling them out in your own space, and then meeting up to discuss it with your partner(s). If you have different answers then your partner, it’s not the end of the world AT ALL! It just gives you more opportunities to talk about different expectations, fantasies, and hard limits. After you’re done talking about all of the #realworldsex you might have, you’ll barely be able to keep your hands off of one another. Unless something like rope bondage is on the menu, then good luck with the hands.

As we already mentioned, Scarleteen has a really incredible sexual inventory yes/no/maybe list that covers everything from body boundaries to safer-sex behaviours. Babeland has a pretty great one in their book, Moregasm if you want a hard copy and we also recommend this post from Charlie Glickman and this post from Ignacio Rivera for further reading/exploring. You can find a kinkier ‘yes, no, maybe’ list here.

What other tools would you recommend for folks looking to deepen their sexual communication with their partners? Let us know in the comments!

Written by David Raven for Mirror. Originally published on April 30th, 2015.

Meet the transgender man leading the chase to star on the cover of Men’s Health. Hundreds of testosterone-fuelled models with chiseled jaws and six pacs have applied to a competition to front the prestigious magazine. Leading the pack is Aydian Dowling, 27, with 56,000 votes, who is hoping to make history as the first transgender male cover star. Competition judges are searching for “a guy who is fit and fearless, a doer who gives back and leads by example.”

And married Aydian, who made headlines across the world by recreating the naked Adam Levine photo, believes he fits into all of the categories. He told Buzzfeed: “The goal was to get on the leader board to raise awareness. That was the initial goal: Make a statement, get a trans man on the cover. That was it!” Aydian, from Oregon, US, made a video on YouTube which quickly went viral, propelling him to the top of the leaderboard.

You can vote for Aydian to become the cover star of Men’s Health here.

Everyone can agree that there needs to be WAY more language around #realworldsex, which is why MLNP.tv set out from the get-go to create a new vocabulary for talking about the sex we have in our everyday lives. As porn has rushed in to fill the language gap, it seems especially important to not only develop terms that reflect the sexual experiences of female-bodied individuals but to also make sure this new language isn’t too clinical or simply derivative of male-centric terms. (If you’ve followed any of Cindy’s twitter exchanges with a certain mainstream porn company, you’ll know what we’re talking about).

As this awesome video from Refinery29 points out, many women don’t know what to call a little #metime. ‘Masturbation’ sounds too clinical, while ‘pet the kitty’ seems too cutesy. Whatever your preferred term for buttering the muffin, we love that this pet project of ours is getting the attention it deserves! Our personal favorites? #clitting and #downstairsDJ. What else can y’all come (heh) up with? Looking forward to hearing in the comments!

Written by Beca Grimm for Bustle. Originally published on May 1st, 2015.

Masturbation is awesome, truly. It’s unfortunate, unfair, and frankly quite sexist that men get to have all the fun innuendo and slang for the act of diddling their own parts. For women, our obvious options are a little more limited, or at least nuanced. As such, we still won’t give up. When women try to come up with slang for masturbation, the results are obviously more inventive and adorable.

My first foray into the world of female masturbation slang came at the ripe age of 15. I remember sitting in newspaper class when a dude classmate made some crude mention of “flicking the bean”. Not only did that phrase make my skin crawl, it sounds…not comfortable, let alone likely to incite an orgasm. True, the male equivalent of jacking offsounds similarly painful (and for far too long, led my misinformed juvenile brain to think boys literally slapped their penises to reach climax. I was not a very popular tween.), but still. Masturbation sounds so medical and sterile and like something that happens in a basement. It sounds like an unfortunate item on a winding to-do list. Basically, this is all far from the truth. It’s an activity that, albeit probably vital for most of us, is a super radical party-for-one.

Read the rest of this great post here and don’t forget to leave your fave #realworldsex terms in the comments!

Written by Gareth May for The Debrief. Originally published on April 28th, 2015.

“I was 17 when I experienced my first fanny fart.

My girlfriend and I had never tried doggy before and as much as it felt really – like, really – good I was desperately concentrating on keeping my balance (I was yet to master the one-foot-flat-on-the-bed technique you learn from porn and was instead placing all my weight on my rather wispy adolescent knees).

Eager to get back to missionary – both satisfied with our brief excursion beyond page one of the Kama Sutra and mildly smug that I hadn’t fallen on top of my girlfriend and crushed her pelvis – I pulled out and did that gentle tapping on the hip thing you do when you’re inexperienced and not confident enough to grab the missus by the waist and throw her down on the bed like Hulk Hogan.

Taking the hint, she lolloped on to her back, all limbs and blushes and post-sex hair and then…

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft…

What the…?

Pfffffft…

Pfttt…

Pft…

That didn’t come from her arse, did it? Did it come from her…? Hang on? What?

And then we both burst out laughing. Half out of shyness and half because, well, fanny farts are funny. It’s the model I’ve followed ever since. A model with a clear set of rules:

1. Only laugh is she laughs too, don’t draw attention to it if she doesn’t (‘Erm, was that you or the cat?”).

2. Laughing, giggling, even guffawing is fine. Pointing and laughing simultaneously is not.

3. If the farts show no sign of letting up resist the temptation to lay some vocals down over ‘the beat’.”

Read on to see what MLNP CEO Cindy Gallop has to say about fanny farts!

Written by Ellen Friedrichs for Everyday Feminism. Originally published on October 14th, 2014.

“Editor’s Note: This article is about how we should stop stigmatizing women for having body hair. It is NOT about shaming women for removing their body hair. We want women to be able to freely choose to keep or remove their body hair without facing social pressure to get rid of it.

…

Early Embarrassments

There were two Cindys in my fourth grade class, but Cindy K. was the popular one. So when she teased me about having hairy legs, I was utterly humiliated. Truth be told, I had already suspected that my leg hair was shameful, and her taunts just confirmed my fears.

So I went home and begged my mom to let me shave. Unsurprisingly, she said no.

Her views on body hair were also a product of her upbringing as the child of German Jewish immigrants who didn’t understand why American women were so worried about this aspect of grooming. That perspective was then reinforced by my mom’s own second wave feminism.

As a result, she didn’t shave consistently (something that utterly mortified me growing up), and she also didn’t see why I at nine, or later 19, or even 29, should bother wasting so much time doing so either.

But as a kid, I knew exactly why this would be time well spent! It was the teasing from popular Cindy, and the anxiety over failing the stubble test (when middle school boys would furtively swipe at the space where sock and pant leg failed to meet to see if their female classmates’ legs were smooth).

It was the stream of bawdy jokes about hairy women on TV. And it was the obvious lack of hair sported by any woman in the public eye.

Shaving was simply the only acceptable option I could imagine.

Whether it’s social pressure, a barrage of ads for hair removal products, or things like PETA’s awful “Fur Trim Unattractive” campaign (which seems to equates having pubic hair with supporting the fur trade?!), many women and girls grow up believing that body hair is unattractive and gross and should be removed from as many places as humanly possible at the first sign of its existence.

…

What We Can Do

The casual disgust so many people express about women’s body hair often goes unchecked. It’s time to address that.

Here are a few ways how:

1. Change the Way We Talk About Growing Up

When we talk about puberty and body changes, be sure to mention that boys and girls both develop more hair on their legs, arms, faces, stomachs, chests, and around the genitals. There is no need to differentiate between the places males and females can get hair.

Additionally, present body hair removal as an option for girls, not a requirement.

Moms who shave may want to think about the message they are sending their daughters. This doesn’t mean you need to change your whole aesthetic, but figure out a way to address the issue thoughtfully.

2. Question Popular Culture

If popular culture is to be believed, the proper response to a woman’s body hair is either horror or humor. As a result, jokes about women with body hair abound.

Very occasionally, they get it right (think Liz Lemon finally revealing her Tom Selleck ‘stach on 30 Rock). But usually they don’t (think just about every other sitcom ever).

So at the risk of being called a humorless feminist, I say it’s time to question how funny these tropes actually are.”

There’s more to the list! Read the rest of this great article.

Written by Kat from LELO.

Masturbation. For such a universal act, we tend to shroud it in a lot of euphemism and secrecy. Many consider it separate from their sex lives, something that is inherently a self-indulgent, or even selfish, act. However, LELO, the world’s leading name in personal pleasure, firmly believes that a pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled, and so in honor of International Masturbation Month, we offer our 10 tips for masturbating with your partner to strengthen your bond and improve your sex lives.

1. Strip Away the Stigma

Even the most confident in their sexuality can balk at sharing something so private with their partner, so first you need to think of it and treat it like any other sex act… because, if you think about it, it really is just that. Arbitrary distinctions between what is sex and what isn’t can hamper you from fully expressing yourself, and this particularly pertains to manual (or powerful vibrator assisted) stimulation. In fact, a good way to start is by ‘just’ masturbating with your partner, not treating it as foreplay.

2. Be Open

It can be hard to communicate the desire to do anything slightly out of the ordinary with your partner. Think back to all of the things you’ve already shared with them, and how much closer it has brought you as a couple. Being open, of course, also includes ‘being open-minded’ as your partner may be sharing things with you that they have never shared with someone else. 

3. Pay Attention

If you’ve both decided you’re comfortable masturbating together, you are presented with a gold opportunity to both show your partner what exactly it is that you want sexually, as well as learn the same of them. Don’t waste it; be both clear and upfront about what you like and pay attention to what does it best for them.

4. Take the Stage

While you’re showing off to your partner, don’t be afraid to give them a bit of a show. Whether you’re treating mutual masturbation as foreplay or the main event, there’s no reason why you can’t look good doing it.

5. Relax

None of us are strangers to lazy Sunday mornings where we want to lie in bed with our favorite rabbit vibrator, making as little effort as possible. Sleepovers or cohabitating may have stymied that particularly pleasurable pastime, but why should it? While at first blush it may seem like it should be easier to masturbate casually than making a show of it, but a lot of people compartmentalize how they express their sexuality with their partner and how they do privately. There’s no reason why you both can’t enjoy the occasional quick orgasm and then nap without making a production of it.

6. Switch it Up

Of course, this also presents a good opportunity for you to switch up your own routine. A lot of solo-sexing tends to fall into routines that are both comfortable and efficient. There’s nothing wrong with that, but introduction to different stimulation, whether by changing the pressure of your hands or switching between a clitoral vibrator and g-spot stimulators can help you learn new ways to reach climax both by yourself and with your partner. 

7. Involve Each Other

While you’re exploring new sensations, don’t forget that while you may be pleasuring yourselves, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to not also touch each other. You can both focus on each other’s erogenous zones that you can’t necessarily stimulate on your own. Of course, using a restraint so your partner can’t touch you at all while they watch you can be quite fun as well!

8. Let Distance Make Your Hearts Grow Fonder

Masturbating together doesn’t necessarily mean being in the same room. Whether you’re out of town and you’d like to have a late night video chat session, or you sneak out of the office for a naughty afternoon break, technology has facilitated all kinds of fun not restricted by distance.

9. Catch a Film

More and more women are becoming interested in(or at least more open about) consumption of erotic materials. While erotic fiction are the more socially acceptable medium that women find titillation , there are groups of filmmakers, actors, and fans who are dedicated to improving pornographic movies to better present female pleasure and feminist themes.  Maybe you and your partner’s tastes don’t align perfectly, but just as you compromise on what TV show to watch after dinner, you can compromise and foster tastes as a couple.

10. Celebrate ‘Me Time’

Lastly, recognize that masturbating together doesn’t mean you ALWAYS have to do it together…and don’t be offended  at all if your partner would prefer to do so solo from time to time. Masturbation is healthy and fun, but it can be important to also have moments to yourself, and respect that you partner’s appetites for sex (alone or together) may differ from yours.

Masturbating as a couple is more than just adding another kinky item to your bedroom repertoire (though it certainly can); it has the potential to bring you both closer as a couple as you’re more open about what exactly brings you pleasure. Developing the skills to communicate your needs in the bedroom is one of the most important steps to having a healthy, satisfying sex life.

Feeling inspired? Make sure to browse our #metime videos to really get yourself going!

Written by Julie Bloom for The New York Times. Originally published on April 30th, 2015.

“Sex has always served as ample inspiration for comedy — every awkward encounter in bed is a potential gold mine for an observant writer or actor. But this summer, more than any other in recent memory, filmmakers are focused on what’s going on in hotel rooms, taxi back seats and anywhere else two people (or more) are getting it on.

Click here to read more about Hollywood’s more honest take on sex scenes!

Written by Leslie Garrett for Medium. Originally published on April 21st, 2015.

“Every Thursday at Georges P. Vanier Junior High School, a dozen adolescent boys assemble in an unused classroom. They gather around a large table, doing their best to ignore the girl power posters and sparkles that cover the walls. After all, they’re there to talk about what it means to be a man.

Middle school health classes usually have a segment on sex education, which for most adults conjures awkward memories of studying the female anatomy and putting a condom on a banana. Wiseguyz, a nonprofit based in Calgary, Alberta, is working to broaden what “sex ed” can teach youth — specifically, boys between the ages of 13 and 15. Their participants instead talk about weighty issues like masculinity and the hyper-sexualized portrayal of women in media.

When these teens first gathered in October 2014, there was a lot of nervous laughter. Comments and questions were sometimes couched in bravado or sarcasm. Program creator Blake Spence used the first few weeks, as he does each year, for the boys to get to know each other and, in his words, “create a safe space.” Before long, the giggling gave way to critical discussion.

“We laugh with each other and we’re always joking around about stuff,” said Will, a current participant. “But when things need to be serious, they’re serious. We have a little rule: What happens in WiseGuyz stays in WiseGuyz — so whatever happens in there, we always have to keep it to ourselves.”

WiseGuyz is built on four modules, which take from October to May to complete. Instead of focusing only on the physical basics of sex, participants talk about human rights, sexual health, gender, and healthy relationships. Within those broad topics is plenty of conversation around pornography, consent, homophobia, sexual violence, and emotional abuse.

WiseGuyz is part of a nascent trend toward programs that go beyond physiology to often overlooked issues, like how to have a healthy relationship and how culture shapes our ideas around sex. It was developed five years ago, when staff at the Calgary Sexual Health Centre noticed that the rate of teen pregnancies was going down but sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among teen boys was rising. Boys, research revealed, were more likely to engage in high-risk behavior and less likely to protect themselves.

The center enlisted Blake Spence to create a program for boys to address this. Spence was already the Centre’s Community Education Coordinator and he’d also worked there in its peer education program. But perhaps most importantly, he’d been a 14-year-old boy — confused, eager for information, and wishing he’d had a mentor-type program.”

Continue reading about this fascinating program.

Written by Chuck Wending for Terrible Minds. Published in May, 2015.

“Some folks will say — okay, there are topics and subjects you can’t write about. Which is nonsense, obviously. Everything is the domain of fiction. Nothing is forbidden, everything is permitted. It must be, for fiction to maintain its teeth. Fiction only has meaning when everything is permissable. Rape and sexual assault is one such topic — some will say it’s off the table. Which again: it can’t be off the table. That’s a very good way to ensure silence around the subject, isn’t it? Saying you can’t speak about it in fiction is adjacent to saying you can’t speak about it for real, which is already a problem that doesn’t need worsening by made-up rules of fiction.

So, take that subject, and filter it through the lens of Game of Thrones and then Mad Max.

Both use sexual assault in the storyworlds.

In Mad Max, you can’t accept women as “things” or livestock without then making the leap to say, mmmyeah, it’s probably not by choice. Okay? They didn’t sign up for it. That’s frankly the whole point of the movie, isn’t it? (Again, see the art above quoting the movie: WE ARE NOT THINGS.) If you leave Fury Road and look back upon the series, you see a few powerful women here and there (Aunty Entity, and, erm, that one lady with the crossbow?), and you also would get to see an on-screen rape scene in The Road Warrior – one viewed through spyglass at a distance, but it’s very clear what’s going on. The confirmation of women as object is shown when one of the women in Fury Road is cut open so that the child inside her can be seen, even though it may not be alive.

In GoT, rape is part of the fabric of life. It’s woven right in there. It’s almost background noise — I’m pretty sure if you turn on the show and zoom in, it’s like Where’s Waldo or trying to find Carmen Sandiego. There’s maybe always a rape happening on-screen somewhere, at some point? “Did you find the rape happening in every episode?” (It’d be like a really super-gross party game.) Characters talk about rape. They do it and exposit scenes while they do it. They accept it and expect it. Folks will say this is based on medieval history, though really, it’s based more on medieval myth, and of course, once you throw dragons and active godly magic into the mix you pretty much signal that you don’t have to base your fantasy (key word: fantasy) story on anything, really. (But “it’s based on history!” is always a good crutch for lazy storytelling, so whenever an editor or critic challenges you, don’t forget to say loud and say it proud.)

So, two very popular storyworlds.

Two portrayals of a world where women hold dubious power and are seen as “things.”

One of these is roundly criticized for it.

One of them is roundly celebrated for it.

Game of Thrones catches hell for its portrayal of women and this subject.

Mad Max is wreathed in a garland of bike chains and hubcabs for it.

What, then, is the difference?

Let’s try to suss it out.

In Game of Thrones:

– rapes often happen on-screen-ish

– they happen semi-often

– they happen to POV characters (Dany, Cersei, and now, Sansa Stark — given that there are six total assumed major female POV characters in the series, that means 50% of them have undergone active sexual assault on-screen)

– twice the rapist is a character we like (Drogo, Jamie)

– often used to motivate characters or sub in as character development

– seemingly meant to shock, often male-gazey

– history of it in the show

In Mad Max: Fury Road:

– the assault is implicit, not explicit, happens way off-screen

– not a focal point, per se, of character development

– though does provide seeds in the bed for character development — meaning, the event is hidden so that we don’t see it, but what grows up out of the dirt still suggests that it happened

– not much history of it — but again, Road Warrior has an explicit instance?

– we are never on the side of the rapist

– not male gazey because not on-screen and because of female POV (Furiosa)

I don’t know that this tells us enough yet, so let’s unpack it some more.

Head over to Terrible Minds to read the rest of the unpacking and more on the many differences between Mad Max and Game of Thrones!

Originally written by Carina Kolodny and Amber Genuske for The Huffington Post. Published on May 18th, 2015.

From ancient history to the modern day, the clitoris has been discredited, dismissed and deleted — and women’s pleasure has often been left out of the conversation entirely. Now, an underground art movement led by artist Sophia Wallace is emerging across the globe to challenge the lies, question the myths and rewrite the rules around sex and the female body.

Sophia Wallace had no desire to make art about the clitoris. As a queer conceptual artist, she knew exactly how the art world — and the world in general — would react.

“I knew that if I took on this subject matter, I would be painting myself into a box,” she said in a recent interview in her Brooklyn studio. “So I stayed away from it — or at least, I tried to.”

But just as writers say their stories find them, it was the absence of the clitoris in popular culture that found and haunted Wallace.

Information about the clitoris could be found in select medical journals and in the upper echelons of academic institutions, but it was mostly inaccessible to the general public. While there was no shortage of artistic portrayals of the female body, the clitoris was nowhere to be found.

“It’s not that we don’t see the female body,” Wallace said. “It’s that we don’t know it.”

Wallace eventually decided that shining the spotlight on the clitoris was more important than any potential repercussions she might face. Once she decided to take on the work, she didn’t look back.

Soon, she’d created Cliteracy, an art project that fuses street art, textiles and typography with the goal of educating a largely “ilcliterate” culture.

Wallace wasn’t wrong about the backlash. Galleries canceled her upcoming shows. People threatened her art and her life.

But something else happened as well — something much less predictable and much more surprising. Individuals around the world took up Cliteracy as a rallying cry. From college campuses in the midwest to the spray-painted remnants of the Berlin Wall, the clitoris is popping up in unexpected places.

Wallace’s work has sparked a conversation. But this is not just a story about one woman or one project.

This is the overdue and under-told story of the clitoris.

You should definitely click over to The Huffington Post to see the rest of the amazing cliteracy project!